


Self-Destruct Personality

by Baby_Buu



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: 2007, Drugs, Emo, Forced Kissing, Goku/vegeta - Freeform, Human AU, M/M, Rockband AU, Time Piece, gokuxvegeta - Freeform, kakavege, kakavege but not the focus, past Turles/Raditz, turles is a bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26088418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baby_Buu/pseuds/Baby_Buu
Summary: Turles, fresh out of jail, decides to crash his old band’s celebration to get them to take him back.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Self-Destruct Personality

**Author's Note:**

> I used to hate Turles, but I’ve come around to him. I think he’s an unredeemable bastard but that’s part of the fun.

Turles closed the bathroom door behind him and wiped his nose, trying to clear it. He looked around the party. _Pathetic, laughable._ They were going to come crawling back to him in no time. 

Was that somebody serving out hors d'oeuvres? _Oh hell no…_

Turles swaggered into the thick of things. He realized only then that he lost his shirt at some point. When had that happened? _Oh well_ , he shrugged. He looked damn good, might as well show it off.

He ignored the look he received from the waiter as he grabbed the whole tray and walked off with it. Shoving the appetizers into his mouth quickly he tried to locate the _guests of honor -_ he sneered to himself at that - to give them a congratulations. 

He mostly tuned out the stares he got as he walked by. He didn’t mind being the center of attention, be it positive or negative. He did pause when he heard a rather stuck up sounding voice talking as they walked past about his the tattoo on his lower back. He turned around to grin at her wickedly.

“It’s true you know.” He smirked at her.

She seemed flabbergasted.

“ _Only_ God can judge me.” 

Then he laughed hysterically as he continued walking past, shoulders back and head held high. It wasn’t more than a moment later when he finally saw the one he was looking for. He was hard to miss, standing at least a head taller than everyone and enough hair to supply a whole ward of cancer patients with a wig. 

He offered out the empty tray when he was close enough for Raditz to notice him. 

“I got you a cookie but I eated it.” Turles said teasingly.

Raditz tensed and seethed.

“What are you doing here, Turles!?” 

Raditz looked around wildly before seeking to register that he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“It’s a party.” Turles said simply, shrugging. 

“Yes, well in case us kicking you out of the band wasn’t subtle enough, you were not invited. Nobody wants you here. Now get out of here before you make a scene.” Raditz scanned him over again. “Well more of a scene.”

Turles put on his cockiest grin.

“You like what you see?” He leaned up, blinking slightly at Raditz. 

Teasing him. Inviting him. Raditz pushed him away with a firm hand on his shoulder.

“As if.” Raditz scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Turles was taken back but tried not to react outward.

“Come on Raditz, I’m here to put an end to this charade.”

“Charade? No ones pretending. You knew the consequences but you did it anyway. All you had to do was stay out of Jail. And you couldn’t do that.”

“But come on, replacing me with your baby bro? He’s gonna pussy up my band. In fact he already has. C’mon, a ballad as the leading single? His lyrics make me sick.”

Raditz scoffed.

“They’re better than most of yours.”

Turles shook his head.

“C’mon, you kept trying to push _suck my dick and don’t give me aids_ for like the whole last album.”

“That’s a solid lyric. In fact I’m definitely going to put it in one of my songs for my new band.”

Raditz chocked a little on the drink he had just taken a sip of. 

“You’re seriously going to try to start a different band? You can’t be serious.”

“Oh I’m serious. It’s going to be way better than _Knife Edge Death Match_ . I’m going to call it _The Mighty Never Fall_ and Rasin, my old cell mate is gonna help me find the other members.”

“Your cell mate, that’s awesome.” Raditz bit out sarcastically.

Turles just gave him a condescending look. Raditz seemed to loose his patience then.

“Look, just leave. Don’t cause any trouble. Those of us who actually care about the band are here to celebrate.”

Wordlessly Turles grabbed the glass from Raditz’s hand, took a sip, and then calmly dumped it over his head.

“What the fuck?” Raditz screamed and then ran off to the nearest bathroom.

Turles smirked to himself and then began to scan the room for the others. They still needed to be congratulated after all.

While perusing for his old band mates he quickly spotted Nappa with a nasty handlebar mustache he didn’t want to deal with him, so he pulled out his pink razr and started texting Rasin about what a shit show this party was.

> Omg it’s so bad I wanna barf lol

> Lol

Turles could text easily with out looking. It was one of his many skills. T9 could suck his dick for all he cared.

He flipped his phone shut and caught an easily recognizable flame shaped hair silhouette and he slinked after it.

Where Napa and Raditz looked a little out of place, Vegeta was rocking the emo rock band look. He looked absolutely dangerous with his leather pants, eyeliner, fully tattooed sleeves, and more piercings than Turles could count with just one glance. In truth he was scrumptious, and Turles wanted to take a bite.

“Oi, Vegeta, I think someone stole my kidney.” Turles joked as he went for a kidney shot toward Vegeta’s back. 

Vegeta without flinching reached out with cobra like reflexes and caught his fist. Truth be told the grip was a little too firm for Turles’ taste but he was still kinda into it.

“And what’s trash like your doing at this party? Don’t they have bouncers for this sort of thing?”

Vegeta eyed him up and down and sneered. Turles hated the way Vegeta always turned his nose up at him, like he thought he was so far beneath Vegeta. He would show him, he would...

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Vegeta leaving his line of sight.

_That little shit._

Turles reached out and grabbed his hand. Effectively stopping Vegeta in his tracks.

“Why don’t you take a chill pill and listen to me for a second.”

Turles pulled Vegeta into a corner all while Vegeta glared at him.

“What is so important that you needed to accost me?” Vegeta asked, violently pulling his hand away and crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

Again Turles was struck my the idea of how hot Vegeta was. He hadn’t really noticed before because he had been with Raditz but now...

Turles leaned close to Vegeta so he towered over him, whispering in his ear in a deep low voice.

“I wanted to ask you nicely to let me back in the band, but now I have a better idea.” He growled at the end and then licked Vegeta’s ear.

Vegeta stiffened and then pushed him back, hard. Turles was getting really tired of being rejected tonight.

“Fuck off.” Vegeta growled with enough venom to genuinely make Turles take a step back.

“Don’t ever touch me again.” 

Vegeta stalked off.

After he was out of view Turles got his wits back and called after him.

“Whatever, fuck you, you prude!”

A bunch of people stared but Turles ignored them. He shrugged and then rejoined his mission.

“Oh more champagne, don’t mind if I do.” He said to himself as a server with a tray walked by. 

Turles wasn’t sulking, and he certainly wasn’t pouting to himself when he saw something interesting. Raditz little brother finally made his entrance. The damn pretty boy didn’t have a single piercing or tattoo. He was wearing virtually no makeup and was dressed almost normally compared the other members, including Turles himself. 

Turles was making a game out of pretending to pinch off his head between his fingers when he had to do a double take. Vegeta had joined him in the corner once things died down, and Turles couldn’t help but notice how close they were being. A shoulder grab here, a lean in to whisper in the other’s ear there, and long lingering glances that didn’t look platonic in anyway everywhere.

_Well fuck me._

It was a while before Turles got his chance, but he waited patiently and followed the newest band member around subtly until he saw his opportunity.

He pulled the younger man into the bathroom as he walked by causing him to yell slightly, but the door was shut quickly cutting off the sound.

“What are you..?” Goku started but trailed off when he saw who it was.

“Turles what’re you doing?” Instead of sounding angry like everyone else that evening, Goku sounded genuinely confused to see him and his voice held no malice whatsoever.

“Hey kid, I just came to congratulate you. Sorry about pulling you in here, Raditz asked me to leave but I really wanted to talk to you first.”

Goku’s face brightened up at his words.

“Hey man that’s so great. Thank you. Sorry about everything, so we’re cool?”

“Oh yeah, of course we’re cool.”

Goku went to say something else but was interrupted by Turles leaning over to kiss him.

Goku gasped and tried to pull away but Turles held him by his hair and tried to coax him into kissing him back.

Goku broke out of his daze and punched Turles, hard. And oh boy did it hurt.

“What the hell?” Goku asked him.

“Come to the dark side, we have cookies.” Turles laughed and tried to bring him in for another kiss but he was instead kneed in the balls. Now that _really_ hurt.

Goku went to leave but Turles stopped him with an arm while he was haunched over.

“Wait. How would Vegeta feel knowing what you were doing here with me?”

“Are you trying to blackmail me after you violated my mouth?”

“Violated?” Turles laughed. “C’mon kid I know you loved it.”

Goku rolled his eyes and shoved past him.

Turles was left alone and wondering just what the hell everyone’s problem was? After he recovered enough from the hit to his family jewels he wiped his mouth and stormed out of the bathroom. This was absolutely not over. He quickly found the main stage in the center of the party. He grabbed another champagne flute from a tray as it walked by, _how many was that now?_ and jumped up, ignoring the stairs. He grabbed a forgotten fork from the sound booth table and clanked his glass as loud as he could.

“Attention, attention everyone.”

All eyes were on him. Turles was getting a huge kick out of the attention. He stood tall and spoke clearly.

“I have something that I would like to say. First of all thank you so much for coming here to celebrate _my_ band. You know, me, Turles. The lead singer. The front man. The _most important_ member? Surely you all haven’t forgotten about me?”

The crowd was stunned. No body moved or said anything. Turles continued.

“Like I was saying, it’s so great of you to come out. You might have heard, I’m out of jail on probation. So it was really great of Goku to fill in for me, but I’m back now so the pipsqueak is no longer needed.”

The other band members had finally began to approach the stage with security so Turles switched gears.

“You guys know I started this band right? This was my idea. And if you think you can just take it from me like it’s not a big deal, you have another thing coming.”

A buff guy in a black shirt that said security had finally joined him in the stage.

“Come on man, let’s go.”

“No. I’m not going anywhere!” 

Turles tried to avoid the man, but more had joined him. One of them grabbed him.

“Get your hands off me!”

Turles struggled but was overpowered. He lost it.

“You guys are all douche bags! Raditz has a small dick! Nappa has a coke problem! I fucked Goku in the bathroom earlier!” He screamed at the top of his lungs. The whole room had been whispering until the last sentence.

“No you didn’t you liar! You tried to kiss me and I told you to get lost!”

Turles was getting dragged further and further from the party toward the door. 

“Fine that’s true, but Goku and Vegeta are fucking!” He screeched out but was thrown out the door before he could see the reaction he got.

He was shoved hard and rudely by someone and the door was slammed in his face. He heard it lock.

He picked himself up and dusted off his butt. He couldn’t believe the audacity of those cocksuckers!

He decided he had probably caused enough chaos for now, but it wasn’t over. He was gonna go home and get started on the new band right away. They were going to be sorry they ever messed with Turles. 

As he began to walk home he began to think about lyrics.

 _I fucked your little brother, how do you feel about that?_ had some good potential, it just needed the right hook. 


End file.
